In the Toilet

You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

- Once in a Lifetime, The Talking Heads



That’s the $100,000 question. How did our health care system, so promising in the 1960’s, de-evolve into the mess we have today? We know who is to blame – the question is – how did we let this happen?

Well, the simple answer is that corporate greed is sneaky….and patient. Minute changes, made at a snail’s pace, are not noticed by the consumer until it is too late, and the new reality has become the norm. Consider, if you will, the curious case of Mr. Whipple.


Most of you will remember Mr. Whipple – the fictitious spokesperson for Charmin toilet paper. His character graced our TV sets in over 300 commercials from 1964 through 1985. Because of his lasting image, Mr. Whipple can help me illustrate my point.

Remember toilet paper back in the 1960’s and 70’s? There was only one size roll back then. And, oh, what a roll it was! I remember that when you first put a new roll on the toilet paper holder, it was so large that it dragged against the back wall for the first couple of uses (my kids don’t remember this because they never actually installed a roll of TP on a holder) Today, my Mom’s house still has that same toilet paper holder that it did back in the 70’s, , but no new roll comes close to that back wall when it’s first installed. Look at the photo of Mr. Whipple and check out that Charmin he’s packing – those rolls are more voluptuous than a 1960’s Italian starlet – no wonder everybody wanted to squeeze them.


But then the paper companies started to get greedy and started selling us rolls with much less paper on them. First they started by wrapping the rolls looser and calling them ‘quilted’. Apparently, ‘quilted’ is to ‘toilet paper’ as ‘managed’ is to ‘healthcare’ – I think this one should be on next year’s SATs. Then to rolls them selves started to slowly shrink. Then they had the audacity to offer a ‘single’ roll and a ‘double roll’. These too continued to shrink until they started to offer a ‘mega roll’. The funny thing is, none of these rolls even come close to the old Mr. Whipple sized rolls. The other day I noticed that one company started advertising that their rolls were guaranteed to fit your dispenser – duh! They might as well have guaranteed that it will rain sometime next year.

The newest trend is that the rolls are now becoming shorter. from left to right. They now rattle around on my dispenser. Pretty soon, we’ll all be wiping our butts with toilet paper that looks like it came off of an adding machine.



This slow attrition in consumer value is not limited to toilet paper or health care – it’s all around us. Try to buy a 1 pound can of coffee the next time you go to the supermarket. It’s just that this shrinkage in size or value happens so gradually until it’s too late for us to notice, and we’re left with an 11 ounce can of coffee and a roll of TP that’s good for dealing with the aftermath of just one Taco Bell dinner. Not to mention an overpriced, under-performing health care system.





And the unwitting, uninformed American consumer will shrug their shoulders and say to themselves “same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, ….”

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