Healthcare Hullabaloo: I ♥ Nigeria

He said,"Hold a dollar bill up to the mirror
And I'll show you something funny
It's only a fast buck, but
It's so hard to make that kind of money"

-----Fast Buck Freddie, Jefferson Starship

It’s August, and hot outside. Vacation time.

Instead of shutting down my blog altogether, I decided instead to take a break from my usual ranting and ravings about Health Care, and share with you all a little bit of fun that I have had over the last week or so. It started when I listed an item on craigslist. The item was kind of expensive, and a bit oddball, so I was thrilled when I got the following inquiry via email:

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO: Me

Is the item still up for sale.....

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Well, he sure spells his last name funny, but heck, a sale is a sale, so I responded.

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FROM: Me
TO: Fred Willson

Yes - still available. Any questions?

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I didn’t have to wait very long for his response…..

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO: Me

Thanks for the quick response,

I will like to buy the item, for my sister who has just completed
her MASTERS as a goodwill gift, but the item will be shipped to her in
CANADA where she resides with our parents.
I will pay $600 including the postage charges to the Destination
via express mail service,

Kindly get back with your PayPal Email address for the payment so i
can pay you via my PayPal account and you do the shipping on my
behalf,....to make the whole transaction easier for us if you don't
have Paypal account you can log onto www.paypal.com and get your
account in less than few minutes as this is the best option for
me.......Kindly get back asap

Thanks..

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Wow, I thought…that was easy. Maybe a bit TOO easy! After all, he didn’t have any questions about this oddball product. He didn’t even want to negotiate on the price – in fact, he offered MORE than I was asking. Plus, he wanted to use PayPal, which is a safe way to do business online.

Note to Self: WTF is a goodwill gift?

I don’t normally ship items, but since he was being so generous, I agreed to his terms and wrote back….

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FROM: Me
TO: Fred Willson

My PayPal account ID is Rick@systematixonline.com.

Be sure to send me her address.

Thanks

Rick
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He responded quickly…

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO: Me

Thanks for the mail i will be making the payment as soon as possible..
Do get back to me,,
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In fact, he responded TWICE. Things were starting to smell fishy….

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO: Me

Thanks for the mail i will be making the payment as soon as possible..
Do get back to me,,

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Yes, he sent the same exact message 3 days apart. It could be an honest mistake, but now my ears were up….

Then, a few days later, I heard from Fred again….

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO: Me

Hello Rick,
Sorry for the late response, i just want you to know that i
have just proceed with the payment and i believe you must have receive
a conformation from paypal so kindly get the item shipped out and send
the tracking number to paypal for the confirmation...

Do get back to Asap...

Thanks
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Now I noticed that the longer that our conversation went on, the worse his English got. But still, he said he made a payment, so maybe I shouldn’t jump to conclusions…..

Within the hour, I got an email from PayPal announcing that I have received money into my account,

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FROM: “PayPal”
TO: Me

Dear Rick Albano ,

Thank you for using PayPal , This PayPal® payment has been deducted from buyer (fredwillson5@gmail.com) account and has been "APPROVED" but will not be credited into your account until the Shipment Reference/Tracking Number is sent to us for verification as to secure both Buyer and Seller. Below are the necessary information requested before your account will be credited.

You can now make the shipment and forward us the shipping verification (Tracking Number) in the next 48 hours and your account will be credited instantly.

Due to the policy of PayPal we are to protect both the buyer and seller against fraudulent activities, We advise you to ship out the item and send the Shipment/Tracking Number with Scanned Receipt to prove postage of the item in less than 48 hours so that we can credit your account immediately as soon as we receive the shipment details from you , You will recieve an Confirmation Email regarding that the money has been credit into your Account. Note that you must have any of your identity card to receive your money as soon as we receive the Shipment/Tracking Number from you.

Shipping address:

DEVRET CLARKE
No 740 Midland Avenue,
Apartment 210, Scarvorough,
ON M1K 4E1,
Canada

Address Status: Confirmed

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OK, the gig is up.

I was the intended victim of a Nigerian scam.

What made me so sure? Well, first of all, I always check the email address of the sender. In this case, the sender said they were Service@intl.paypal.com but the actual initiating email was paypal_money_transfer@inmail24.com, which is not a valid PayPal address.

Another clue was that PayPal would never ‘hold’ money until they received proof of shipping – even if they did, the transaction would have showed up in my PayPal account but it would have been marked “pending”.

A final clue was that PayPal actually has people who can write in proper English and who can spell the word “receive”. “I” before “E”, except after “C”, my African friend!

I immediately forwarded a copy of this latest email to PayPal, who confirmed what I already knew – this was a scam.

Now, I could have just ignored any future emails from Freddie of the Serengeti, but I decided that I would play along, have some fun, and see what his scam was. So I became the gullible American…

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FROM: Me
TO: Fred Willson

Sorry - the money has not appeared in my account. Please check with PayPal.

Rick
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I was curious how he would explain that one….

I didn’t have to wait long.

Freddie may be a con artist, but he was a punctual one!

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO: Me

Hello Rick,
Thanks for the response i believe paypal must have send you a
confirmation of the payment to you id,and i want you to know that the
money has been deducted from my account and as soon as they got the
shipment confirmation you account will be credited immediately..
Do get back to me Asap..

THANKS....
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Well his English was not improving. I decided to show him that I was well experienced with PayPal and how it really works, and so I wrote him back….

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FROM: Me
TO: Fred Willson

OK, I will ship as soon as I can.

I always use PayPal shipping, so I have to wait until the transaction
shows up in my account in order to create the label. Your payment
should be listed in my account overview and say 'pending' as the
status.

As of this morning, it still is not in my account, so please check
with PayPal and make sure that they did not lose your transaction - I
would hate to see you lose all of that money! I am sure that it must
be a simple mistake on PayPal's part as they are usually very good
about this.

As always, please keep me informed.

Rick
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Once again, Fred responded quickly….

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Thanks Rick for the mail,
I understand what you mean, but i want you to know that paypal have
to verify the shipment tracking number so that they can credit your
account immediately this is just to protect both the seller and the
buyer,so kindly get the item shipped out and forward the shipment
tracking number to them for verification....Do get back to me Asap....

Thanks
Fred
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Now it was time to sink the hook. I still didn’t figure out his scam, but I was determined to play this out as long as I could, so I led him to believe that I was falling for his nonsense….

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

Gee, I always use PayPal shipping to create the label ... but I can't
do that without the item showing up on my PayPal page. I guess this
must be something new with PayPal.

The item is already packed up and ready to ship. I will just take it
to the Post Office today and send it the old fashioned way.

As soon as I get the Delivery Confirmation number from the Post Office
I will email it to you.

Hopefully your sister will get her gift in time.

Email me with any questions, please.

Thank you once again, Fred

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.

My next email called his bluff….
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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

OK, I just returned from the Post Office and I have the Tracking
Number. Where do I send it so that PayPal can conclude the
transaction? Please let me know ASAP

Rick
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Well this must have dumbfounded Fred as he did not reply to this email quite so quickly. I decided to prod him with a followup email…

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson
Dear Fred -

I have not heard from you yet - please tell me where I can submit the
Tracking Number so that PayPal will release the funds.   The package
is already on it's way to your sister in Canada. Please let me know
ASAP.

Thanks

Rick
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This time, Fred responded. I guess it took him a while to set up another phoney PayPal email.

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Thanks for the mail you can send the tracking number to paypal
customer care which is paypal_money _transfer@inmail24.com and the
will get back to you and credit you account immediately....
Do get back to me..........

Thanks.........
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Now I decided to make poor Freddie wait. Sure enough, he lost this round of chicken and asked me for the tracking number once again …

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Hello rick,
you can also send a copy of the tracking number to me so that i can
make sure you get the money immediately....

Thanks for the understanding...
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I must have really rattled poor Freddie’s cage – he didn’t sign this email “Do get back to me asap” like he usually did. I felt ashamed that I was torturing this poor Nigerian….NOT!

I decided that I would call his bluff (just a little). After all, PayPal is a HUGE corporation – if I just sent them my tracking number, how would they know what transaction it referred to DUH ! Perhaps ‘ol Freddie knew….

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson
What reference number do I give them? They will obviously need a
transaction ID# so they know what the tracking number is for. Please
advise.

Also, should I cc you with the number?

Thanks

Rick

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Fred got back to me quickly, be he wouldn’t (or couldn’t ) answer my tracking number question…

OK now – he wants me to scan the receipt and send it to them (and him). Still no answer to my reference number question.

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

okay i mean the shipment tracking number....which will be you to
confirm th shipment or you scan the receipt to them and send a cc to
me..

Do get back to me......

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“ Do get back to me….“? Nah, I think I’ll make him wait some more. Sure enough, Freddie was getting nervous that I might not close the deal….

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

I will be waiting to hear back from you ................

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Lots of dots at the end of this email. And Freddie was right – he would be waiting to hear back from me. But I wasn’t done with him yet – not by a long shot. I eventually did get back to him….

But now I had to up the ante. I went to my local Post Office and got a blank “Delivery Confirmation” form. I gave Freddie this number to track….

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

OH - here it is:

USPS 0310 0480 0001 9717 3460

Where do I send it to Pay Pal, or do you send it for me?

Let me know

Rick

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Now Freddie got a little bit more flustered, and as he did so, he mangled his English even more. Run on sentences are bad, Freddie. Punctuation is your friend. Didn’t your ESL class teach you anything?
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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Hello okay, i can help you to send it to them all i want you to do is
to scan the receipt to me so that it will be easier....
Do get back to me with the scanned receipt..Because tracking number is
not as much as this and it usually have alphabet at the beginning or
ending so you can scan the receipt for me so that i can send it to
them immediately.....

Thanks and sorry for the inconveniences....

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Well, I didn’t have a receipt to scan – just the number – so I decided to play dumb with him and tell him I didn’t have a scanner….I did offer him a logical alternative, though….

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

I am so sorry, but I do not have a scanner. I gave you the numbers
exactly as they were on the receipt so you should be ok with that.

If you really need a copy of the receipt, what is your fax number? I
can fax a copy to you and you can then scan it yourself.

Get back to me

Rick

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Freddie tried again to get the tracking number

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me
Thanks for the mail,
   The tracking number usually comes with alphabet on it you can
check well because what you gave me is not the tracking number,,,
Do get back to me asap....

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.   I didn’t know that tracking numbers usually had the alphabet on them…did you?

A B C D E F G….. Next time sing along with me!

I decided to set Freddie straight…

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

I think that you are referring to a UPS Tracking # - This is one from
the US Post Office - I can assure you, this is a complete # - I double
checked it.

Please get back to me and let me know you understand.

Rick

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Freddie got back to me right away, but he couldn’t get off the whole scanning thing….
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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Ok just try to scan the receipt to so that i can be able to forward it
to them,try to scan it to me today...with that your money will be
credited immediately...
do get back to me with the scan receipt..immediately please.please
because i don't want your money to be delayed.....

THANKS.....

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I decided to be a little bit more abrupt with Freddie – perhaps then I could get my message through ….
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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

Dear Fred

Did you not read my last message?

I DO NOT HAVE A SCANNER !

I am sorry, but I can't scan the receipt for you.

Just give me your FAX NUMBER and I will FAX a copy to you. You can
scan it and forward it then.

Rick

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I guess poor Fred didn’t know how to deal with the whole “no scanner” issue. I got tired of waiting for his response, so I prodded him again….

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

Dear Fred -

Did the # I gave for you work? Still no payment from PayPal. I am concerned.

Rick

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Still I didn’t hear back from Fred. Perhaps he changed his name. I decided to change it for him to see if he would notice.   He didn’t!
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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

Phil - PLEASE GET BACK TO ME ! I still have no money from PayPal and
I am getting worried!

Rick

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Well, calling him Phil did the trick – Fred (aka Phil) finally got back to me….

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me
Hello,
you can check the receipt you collect,form USPS and send the tracking
number,because you money will not be credited if they do not see the
tracking number Do get back to me..

Am worried also...

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“am worried also”? That makes 2 of us, Hemmingway.

Fred’s last email made me a little testy, and I let him know it…

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

As I told you....here is the tracking number from the US POST OFFICE:

0310 0480 0001 9717 3460
What else do you need????

Rick

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I thought this last email might jar him a bit, but Freddie was still hung up on the whole scanner thing…..
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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Thanks for the mail,
   Am sorry for the worries,i am trying to do all this so that your
money can be credited as soon as possible,Kindly find a means of
scanning the receipt to me so that i can send it to them
immediately...
Do get back to Asap....
Thanks...

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Didn’t I tell him I didn’t have a scanner?

Didn’t he understand my simple words?

Well, it seems Fred finally tried to track his package online. Of course, since I never sent it, the Tracking # I gave him was useless, as he soon found out….

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Hello try this link and track the item i can see that you just want to
be fooling me,there is no record for it which means you did not send
it of you are sure of you self find a means of scanning the receipt to
me...this is the link........
trkcnfrm1.smi.usps.com/PTSInternetWeb/InterLabelInquiry.do..

Get back to Asap...

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You think I am fooling you? Moi? Not after all we’ve been through, Freddie. Also, I noticed his English continued to get worse. I decided that MY English should follow suit. I started making grammaticak mistakes in my emails and waited to see if he noticed.

To wit:
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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

Fred -

I do not know why they have no record of my shipment. I will go to
the Post Office and ask them why this does not show. Please bear with
me.

I am not be fooling you. I am sure of me that you are the honest and
trustworthy person so I would not be fooling of you.

Rick

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Yes, I would never shit a turd like you, Freddie. And, lo and behold! Freddie understood!
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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Thanks for the mail,
i really understand what you mean,Try and do something tomorrow and
get back to me Asap..
i will be expecting your mail.....

Thanks....

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Awwww…he understands! Time to make him wait some more….

I also like his use of the word “mail” instead of “email”….maybe I’ll start using that myself….
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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

What is going on..You haven't mail me..
Do get back to me Asap....

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Impatient little prick, isn’t he. I guess with a life expectancy of only 50 years, a Nigerian can’t waste a lot of time….so I got back to him…..

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FROM: Me
TO:        Fred Willson

Sorry I did not mail you. I just returned from my postal center. The
man said he does not know why the system has no record - he says it
must be a mistake. He also said it should be with your sister already
or if not already soon as in tomorrow. Can you mail your sister and
see if she has received her good will present?

I still have not found a scanner to use to scan the receipt. If your
sister acknowledges that she has the package, will PayPal send me my
monies?

Thank you Fred - I will mail you again soon.

Rick

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What a load of BS – who would buy that line?   Well, Freddie would, for one….

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Thanks for the mail,
My sister mail me that she has received the package,and i am going
to instruct paypal to credit you account right away am so sorry for
the delay,i apologize so they will get back to you after they have
credited your account..

Once again am sorry.....

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Miracles of miracles! His sister received the package I never sent! You know, people like to complain about the Post Office, but they have always done an outstanding job for me…..but I digress….

Side note: Watch those run on sentences Freddie!

He reassured me that my money was coming soon with yet another email ….
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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Hello Fred,
     I have contact them and they told me that they will get back to you as soon as possible...
Do get back to me...

Thanks....

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Note to Self: Why is he calling ME Fred?

His next email wasn’t much better….

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FROM: Fred Willson
TO:        Me

Hello fred,
   Hope they have contacted you about the money you can check your paypal id for the because they told mr they have just get back to you.....Because am really concern about your money i want to do everything possible so that you can get the money as soon as possible..

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Well, I know he’s a scammer. But what is his scam? Check out my next blog for all of the gory details!

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