Bizarro #1 – Pajama People

Back when I was a kid, I used to read a comic book or two. My Aunt would sometimes give me a quarter to go to the corner sweet shop where I could get the latest offering from DC or Marvel.

I never was one of those comic book Geeks – I never collected them nor was I ever obsessed by them. I don’t think that I’ve even read one since I was ten. However, I did enjoy a good story in my imaginative youth.

I recall that DC Comics had a recurring themed comic that featured an alter-ego to our humble planet called Htrae (Earth spelled backwards). AKA “Bizarro World”, on Htrae everything was backwards. Up was down, ugliness was beauty, bad was good, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Recently, it occurred to me that our whole health care universe is a bit of a Bizarro World right here one Earth. To put it simply, for whatever reason, we tend to think and do things differently (and backwards) in the world of health care then we do in the rest of our lives. Yet, it has become so ingrained in our culture that we never even stop to recognize it – the abnormal appears normal to us.

My pal Cire’s remarks about how ou couldn’t return a prescription got me thinking of other ways in which we accept ‘Bizarro’ behavior so long as it’s under the umbrella of ‘health care’. Some of them are minor and inconsequential. Some of them have good reasoning behind them. Some of them are ludicrous and have a serious impact on our wallets.

All of them, in the harsh light of logic and reason, are bizarre.

I’ve touched upon some of these concepts before, but never under the same “Bizarro” umbrella. However, keeping “Bizarro” in mind, let’s revisit some of these topics in a new set of Blogs that I will Entitle “Bizarro’s. Here’s the first:

Pajama People

Some people's hot
Some people's cold
Some people's not very
Swift to behold
Some people do it
Some see right through it
Some wear pajamas
If only they knew it

-Pajama People – Frank Zappa “One Size Fits All”





Appearances matter. Right or wrong, we tend to, as a people, judge others by their appearance. It’s just a fact of life.

The importance of one’s appearance is why policemen and postmen wear uniforms – it conveys a certain amount of respect and authority. However, dress codes aren’t just for civil servants.

Even though they don’t wear a uniform, per se, Professionals also have a dress code. When we pay good money to see a highly trained professional, such as a lawyer or an accountant, we expect them to be dressed professionally, usually in a nice suit. If you met with an high-priced attorney and he was wearing board shorts, flip flops, and a Hawaiian shirt, not many of us would have much confidence in him. Ditto for an architect who wore a worn and stained sweat suit to a client meeting.

So, how come when we see a physician, and they are wearing what amounts to pajamas, we don’t give it a second thought?



What’s that Doc? Those are O.R. Scrubs?

O.R. they? (Props to 'Rushmore')

Well, we ain’t in the O.R. – we’re in your office, so dress like the highly paid professional that you are.

And, while we are on the subject, what’s with those matching blouses that your staff is wearing? Do you really think that when your staff dresses in matching tops with pictures of blue elephants and pink monkeys on them, it conveys a sense of medical professionalism? It looks like a Wal Mart exploded in here!




And while were on the subject, that cheesy white lab coat that some Docs wear isn’t much better. We’re not in a lab now, are we Dr. Fronk-en-steen?




Plus, when you have your name embroidered on the lab coat, it makes you look really seedy. Where did you get that personalized lab coat any way? A T Shirt shop on the Seaside Boardwalk? You know, Doc, usually you have to find work as a gas station attendant or as an appliance repairman in order to get a spiffy shirt with your name on it.



Another emerging, disturbing trend is surgeons wearing those colorful bandannas as headgear - in and out of the O.R. Hey Doc, look in the mirror - you look like some hacky-sack playing, LSD addled hippie, and not a F.A.C.S..



By the way, this image doesn't inspire my confidence in your skills as a surgeon, especially as you stand over me, scalpel in hand. Even though I'm terrified by this scene, I can't react at the moment because the Propofol has just kicked in. Meanwhile, the image of the knife wielding stoner is being ingrained deep in my subconscious. When I have unexplained nightmares for the next month, everybody will just blame them on a bad reaction to the anesthesia.

Reality check: this little procedure is costing me 10 grand - you can afford a real cap. Besides, at 10 grand for 2 hours work, you should be wearing that bandanna over your face, a la Jessie James.



My painter wears a real cap and he even changes it between jobs. He gets them for free at the Sherwin-Williams store. Why not stop by one on your way to the Surgi-Center?

Which leads me to that ubiquitous piece of medical bling – the stethoscope casually worn around the shoulder, proclaiming to the world ‘I’m a Doctor’ (or, in some cases, a Doctor wanabee).

I know that it’s a tool of your trade. Still, I never saw my accountant wearing an adding machine around his neck.

Besides, Doc, you’re a proctologist – what are you going to do with a stethoscope, anyway? On second thought, I don’t want to know – it sounds extremely uncomfortable.





***** Found this Interesting, Entertaining or Informative? Please read the complete blog at: *****
http://healthcarehullabalo.blogspot.com/

Who are you? Do you agree with me, disagree with me, or have another perspective to share?

PLEASE put your 2 cents in by leaving a comment or email me at HealthcareBlog@SystematixOnline.com



Thanks for reading!

Free Blog Counter

Submit Blog - Promote Blog


blogs jar candles allie marie

Top Stories

No Deposit – No Return

It was WEIRD.

I went to dinner this weekend with a very close and dear friend. I’ll protect his identity for this blog, so I’ll just call him Cire.

Cire is an extremely unique individual, and always the center of attention wherever he is – he has a very magnetic personality. He also has a few endearing quirks that make him who he is.

Cire loves to shop. He also loves to return. In general, if Cire is going to make a major purchase, we can be assured that he will make it several times, returning his preceding purchase when he finds a better deal, or a better model then his prior purchase. He is also a demanding consumer – if a product does not meet his high expectations, he’s going to return it – no exceptions. Over the many years that I’ve known Cire, I’ve seen him return just about everything.

Those sneakers weren’t as comfortable after wearing them a few weeks? Back to the store they go.

That new shirt didn’t wash well? Kohl’s customer service will soon be visited by Cire, shirt and receipt in hand.

Last night’s Pot Roast was stringy? The butcher at Wegman’s is going to get an earful.

Heck, he even returned his first wife.




In a nutshell, Cire is the All-Time Undisputed Galactic Champions of Returns. Cire is not bashful – Cire will return just about anything – things that most of us would never dream about returning.



I am not exaggerating in the least.

Get the picture? Good.

Okay, so this is what made my dinner this weekend so strange.

Cire was talking about a prescription he had filled recently. For whatever reason, the pills were defective – they were overtly powdery and therefore impossible to swallow because they stuck in the back of his throat.

Half jokingly, I remarked “Well, I’m sure you returned them”. My wife and I were flabbergasted when Cire said (with a straight face) “You can’t return a prescription”.

Well, flabbergasted was an understatement – we both felt the Earth shudder on its axis. Was Cire saying that you couldn’t return something? Did he just have a stroke?

Well, his face wasn’t droopy, and he wasn’t slurring his speech, so I composed my thoughts and said “Prescription medicine is a consumer product like any other – if it’s defective (and possibly even dangerous) OF COURSE YOU CAN RETURN IT! In fact, if a bad batch somehow got out of the factory, the manufacturer would definitely want it returned before someone gets injured by the defective product and sued them” . This, of course, was a valid and logical argument. Yet, Cire countered “but it’s a PRESCRIPTION – they won’t take it back!”

For the first time ever, the All-Time Undisputed Galactic Champions of Returns said that there was something that could not be returned. Say it ain’t so, Joe.

And he was wrong, of course. I personally have returned prescriptions on two separate occasions and for two different reasons. I even talked my Mom (who is the polar opposite of Cire on the subject of returns) into returning an expensive drug that she had an allergic reaction to.

So, what’s my point here?

Well, it suddenly became crystal clear to me that we, as a society, treat health care as some sort of sacred cow, and we allow the world of health care to treat us differently then the rest of our universe. We tolerate unacceptable behavior – things that would have most of us up in arms – that we would never accept from any other aspect of our lives. It would seem that we were all subjects of a strict totalitarian society except that most of us are oblivious to this mistreatment – it never even crosses our Radar for some reason.

It’s as if we’ve all been brainwashed. In a way, we’ve been taught to accept this aberrant behavior from birth, as have our parents and grandparents before them. Everybody just accepts it as ‘the way it has always been’.




But, newly aware, I’m not going to take it anymore – in fact, I’m going to point out just how many bizarre things we blissfully accept in the name of health care.

It’s time to drain the Kool-Aide.




To be continued. Ohhh Yeahhhh.

***** Found this Interesting, Entertaining or Informative? Please read the complete blog at: *****
http://healthcarehullabalo.blogspot.com/

Who are you? Do you agree with me, disagree with me, or have another perspective to share?

PLEASE put your 2 cents in by leaving a comment or email me at HealthcareBlog@SystematixOnline.com



Thanks for reading!

Free Blog Counter

Submit Blog - Promote Blog


blogs jar candles allie marie

Top Stories

Misery

Yep – I’ve gotten some positive feedback regarding my last post about Lawyer Labels. Some people sounded as if they actually felt sorry for Sunovion Pharmaceuticals, makers of Lunesta.

Believe me, creating a wave of sympathy for a pharmaceutical company was the last thing I wanted to do. Besides, Sunovion Pharmaceuticals is not alone in their quest to insulate themselves from litigious losers. Witness, if you will, the following real life examples of how over-zealous attorneys are doing their part in ruining our healthcare system….

Demazin Infant Drops

This baby medicine has the following warning label:


This formula may cause drowsiness, if affected do not operate heavy machinery or drive a vehicle.

Good advice. I’m always uncomfortable when a 5 month old operates an industrial milling machine, especially when he’s had a few. “Careful with that Bridgeport Billy – it can give you a nasty boo-boo!

Here’s another:

Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine

Do not drive a car or run machinery.

More good advice. That’s why whenever my little princess has the sniffles, I always hide the keys to the Boss 429…

Of course, kids are not the only ones at risk. Consider if you will this warning label on Equate brand Aspirin:


Warning, Do not take if allergic to Aspirin

Who knew? I, for one, have always been under the popular misconception that allergic reactions don’t happen when you use the shitty store brand. Thank goodness for these helpful labels.

In the same vein, the people who make Zantac acid reducer offer us this useful insight:


Do not take if allergic to Zantac.

Oh, so if I’m allergic to something, DON’T TAKE IT. Now I get it.

Now this is not technically a Lawyer Label, but it’s too good to pass up:

Prescription Prometh Cough Medicine

Take one – two teaspoons full by mouth.

You know, after reading this, I now realize why I can’t sit comfortably when I have a cold. Problem solved!

Sometimes the warning labels are gender specific, like this label from the makers of Midol:


Ask a doctor before use if you have difficulty urinating due to an enlarged prostate.

Yeah, I have an enlarged prostate. And it really pisses me off. Not all of the time – just for 3 or 4 days every month

Finally, the makers of Children’s Dimetapp offer us this sage advice:

If pregnant or breast-feeding, ask a health professional before use.

This one’s all our fault, folks. For years Oprah has been warning us about the teenage pregnancy epidemic. Now I fear we’re too late.


Of course, our pharmaceutical industry is not alone in their adoption of Lawyer Labels. Here are some non-drug related examples to chew on.

The makers of a Child-Sized Superman Costume think it’s important to warn us:


Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On second thought, I’m not sure if this one isn’t drug –related. I believe that, in legal circles, this one’s called the “Diane Linkletter” clause.

We’re all being taught to “Use –Re-Use – Recycle” I guess that this is why the makers of Liquid Plumber Drain Cleaner had to point out that every rule has some exceptions:


Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

I wish I read this before I had to spend the rest of my life eating through a tube…


I guess it’s the fault of those looney college kids with their crazy fads that caused a mattress maker to label their products thusly:


Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Finally, in the irony department, comes the following warning label from the makers of Carefree Sugarless Gum.

Use of this product may be hazardous to your health. This product contains Saccharin, which has been determined to cause cancer in laboratory animals.

Not so carefree after all.


***** Found this Interesting, Entertaining or Informative? Please read the complete blog at: *****
http://healthcarehullabalo.blogspot.com/

Who are you? Do you agree with me, disagree with me, or have another perspective to share?

PLEASE put your 2 cents in by leaving a comment or email me at HealthcareBlog@SystematixOnline.com



Thanks for reading!


Free Blog Counter

Submit Blog - Promote Blog


blogs jar candles allie marie

Top Stories

Lawyer Labels

For me, nothing reflects the sad state of our society more than those lawyer labels – those little “please-don’t-sue-me-just-because-you-are-an-idiot” warnings that seem to adorn just about everything that is made in this country. From the side rear view mirror on our cars to our computer keyboards, Lawyer Labels are everywhere. And every year, they get more and more absurd.



I saw one recently on a jar of peanut butter that read “WARNING: THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS PEANUTS”. I know that peanut allergies have serious consequences, but if you have peanut allergies and crack open a jar of peanut butter, maybe the allergies aren’t your biggest concern…. Perhaps, instead, it’s just God’s plan for you to depart this planet and help improve the Human genome in the process. In any event, if the peanut allergy sufferer makes and eats a thick PB&J and then blows up like Snoopy in the Macy’s parade, they really shouldn’t hold Skippy responsible.



But that just ain’t the case. And lawyer labels are the result – a valiant last-ditch effort to insulate corporations from the ATL hordes.

I heard another one on TV the other night – in a commercial for the prescription sleep aid Lunesta. At the end of the commercial, the spokesperson stated that “drowsiness” is a side effect of this powerful sleeping pill.



Really? Isn’t drowsiness an EFFECT of this medication – in fact, THE VERY EFFECT that you purchased it for in the first place? Makes sense, but you know that some corporate suit at Sunovion Pharmaceuticals, maker of Lunesta, decided it was necessary to include this little factoid in case some brain-dead moron does some serious damage after taking this pill.

I can almost write the script: Some neuron-challenged individual takes his Lunesta, hops in his car, and takes off down the road. After a short while, he doses off behind the wheel and rear-ends a busload of senior citizens on their way to Atlantic City. The bus lights up like a Pinto full of Napalm, reducing everyone to a pile of ashes.



Next, our hero’s equally challenged next of kin hires a lawyer who advertises on the Jerry Springer show to sue Sunovion Pharmaceuticals, and the families of the extra-crispy seniors join in. Yada, yada, yada, Sunovion Pharmaceuticals, on the advice of their lawyers, settles the suits out of court, and everybody ends up with a payday that rivals hitting the nickel slot progressive at the Borgota.



Everyone wins – except, of course, the poor schmucks who still take Lunesta, who are now paying an extra $15 bucks a month for their little sleepytime pills.

Another brick in our pockets as we try to swim the sea of rising health care costs. I hope that you waited a half hour after eating before you started to swim. Don’t worry if you forgot - by 2012 all swimsuits sold in the USA will probably have a warning label to remind you. Looking at the latest Jantzen catalog makes me wonder - where can they find room for a label?



***** Found this Interesting, Entertaining or Informative? Please read the complete blog at: *****
http://healthcarehullabalo.blogspot.com/

Who are you? Do you agree with me, disagree with me, or have another perspective to share?

PLEASE put your 2 cents in by leaving a comment or email me at HealthcareBlog@SystematixOnline.com



Thanks for reading!

Free Blog Counter

Submit Blog - Promote Blog


blogs jar candles allie marie

Top Stories

Bonnie & Clyde

In the 1930’s, during the great depression, several small groups of outlaws roamed the central plains. Robbing banks, mostly in small towns, their exploits were chronicled in front page headlines across the nation.

The most infamous of this group were the Barrow gang, headed by the star-crossed lovers Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker, a/k/a/ Bonnie and Clyde.

In perhaps the greatest piece of PR ever created, Bonnie Parker wrote an epic poem about Clyde and her that was soon reproduced on the front page of almost every newspaper in the nation. The poem, remarkably, helped the Barrow gang gain a lot of public sympathy in spite of their despicable actions.

If you’ve never read it – here it is – absolutely fascinating:

The Ballad of Bonnie & Clyde

You've read the story of Jesse James--
Of how he lived and died;
If you're still in need
Of something to read
Here's the story of Bonnie and Clyde.


Now Bonnie and Clyde are the Barrow gang.
I'm sure you all have read
How they rob and steal
And those who squeal
Are usually found dying or dead.

There's lots of untruths to these write-ups;
They're not so ruthless as that;
Their nature is raw;
They hate the law--
The stool pigeons, spotters, and rats.

They call them cold-blooded killers;
They say they are heartless and mean;
But I say this with pride,
That I once knew Clyde
When he was honest and upright and clean

But the laws fooled around,
Kept taking him down
And locking him up in a cell,
Till he said to me,
"I'll never be free,
So I'll meet a few of them in hell."

The road was so dimly lighted;
There were no highway signs to guide;
But they made up their minds
If all roads were blind,
They wouldn't give up till they died.

The road gets dimmer and dimmer;
Sometimes you can hardly see;
But it's fight, man to man,
And do all you can,
For they know they can never be free.

From heart-break some people have suffered;
From weariness some people have died;
But take it all in all,
Our troubles are small
Till we get like Bonnie and Clyde.

If a policeman is killed in Dallas,
And they have no clue or guide;
If they can't find a fiend,
They just wipe their slate clean
And hang it on Bonnie and Clyde.

There's two crimes committed in America
Not accredited to the Barrow mob;
They had no hand
In the kidnap demand,
Nor the Kansas City Depot job.

A newsboy once said to his buddy:
"I wish old Clyde would get jumped;
In these awful hard times
We'd make a few dimes
If five or six cops would get bumped."

The police haven't got the report yet,
But Clyde called me up today;
He said, "Don't start any fights--
We aren't working nights--
We're joining the NRA."

From Irving to West Dallas viaduct
Is known as the Great Divide,
Where the women are kin,
And the men are men,
And they won't "stool" on Bonnie and Clyde.

If they try to act like citizens
And rent them a nice little flat,
About the third night
They're invited to fight
By a sub-gun's rat-tat-tat.

They don't think they're too smart or desperate,
They know that the law always wins;
They've been shot at before,
But they do not ignore
That death is the wages of sin.

Some day they'll go down together;
They'll bury them side by side;
To few it'll be grief--
To the law a relief--
But it's death for Bonnie and Clyde.




Like now, America back then was in the grips of a tremendous economic recession. People who couldn’t afford to go to the theater for entertainment: instead they reveled in the exploits of folk hero/outlaws like Bonnie and Clyde.

Bonnie and Clyde never profited all that much from their illegal endeavors. Targeting mostly small town banks, their typical haul was a usually amounted to just a few thousand dollars, which is not a lot of money when people are shooting at you, even in 1930 dollars. Nor was their crime spree all that long lasting – from start to finish, it only spanned a few years. Yet Bonnie and Clyde remain a household name – a part of our National psyche – some 80 years after they were finally gunned down.




Years after their final perforation, Bonnie and Clyde lived on in our popular culture. I recall a popular ballad regaling their adventures I even found a copy of this on Youtube. In case you can’t remember this pop ditty, you can listen to it here:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubOI9yY55JU




Bonnie and Clyde were also the subject and title characters in the 3rd highest grossing film of 1967 (it finished right behind “The Graduate”). The roles of Bonnie and Clyde helped launch the careers of Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. The film also starred Gene Hackman (America’s Michael Caine) and Michael J. Pollard, who was from my hometown, and who won an Academy Award for his role.



Bonnie and Clyde weren’t the only bad guys who made a name for themselves in the 1930’s. That raucous era also gave us John Dillinger, Machine Gun Kelly, Baby Faced Nelson, Pretty Boy Floyd, and a whole host of other criminals who also remain household names.


The lesson here is clear – if you want to achieve long-lasting fame in this country, become either a movie star or a criminal.

This explains, of course, our new-found fascination with the infamous Benitez brothers: Carlos, Luis and Jose. Their criminal exploits in this century has helped make these three brothers some of the most recognizable figures in the US today.

What? You never heard of the Benitez Gang? Really?





The Benitez family, through their string of phony HIV clinics in the greater Miami area, are the Medicare fraud leaders, accumulating an estimated 119 million dollars in fraudulent Medicare and Medicaid payments during their short 3 year career. If you took al of the money collected by Bonnie and Clyde, and all their aforementioned cohorts, and adjusted it for 2011 dollars, the total would pale in comparison to what the Benitez brothers took in.

So, how come no one’s ever heard of them?

Maybe because they didn’t use guns, or shoot bank customers or police officers. Maybe it’s because they didn’t die in a hail of bullets. Or maybe because they never wrote a poem about themselves….

Well, let me address that right now. Unfortunately, the brothers are not available for comment (they escaped the US before they could be prosecuted and are now living in Cuba), so I decided to write the poem for them. Be forewarned – I’m no Walt Whitman – but I did give it my best shot…


The Ballad of the Brothers Benitez

You've read the story of Bonnie & Clyde--
Of how they lived and died;
But they can’t beat us
Say the Brothers Benitez
Here’s our story – you decide.

The Benitez clan hatched a Medicare scam.
Phony clinics we did run
We billed Medicare
For patients who weren’t there
And accumulated a massive sum

There's lots of money in Medicare;
It’s really as simple as that;
We’d send in false claims;
For amounts that were insane
And got paid at the drop of a hat

They call us no-good scam artists;
They say we are heartless and mean;
But I say this with pride,
There’s no money inside
Clinics that are honest and clean

Yes, the laws of Medicare are foolish
As anyone can tell
They pay without verifying
The’re so scared of denying
So we figured “Oh, What the Hell”

It was then that we 3 decided;
To take advantage of CMS;
We billed and we billed,
’til our coffers were filled
And you can guess the rest

Like the old lady in the shoe;
So much money, we knew not what to do,
We bought houses and cars
And a few tittie bars
Even a helicopter or two



It was like a playing a game of chess
And we’re Bobby Fischer, you bet
We knew every move
And to us it did behoove
To grab all that we could get

As time went by we grew greedier
And soon there was no way to stop
We found that an AIDS drug I.V.
For patients with HIV
Paid us 1500 a pop




But we never had once to worry
About getting the syndrome AID
We pulled off a quick one
And never had to stick one
And Medicare just paid and paid

Our clinic made so much money
We decided to open four more;
Sly as foxes
We got Post Office Boxes
And never even opened a door

Eventually the Feds got suspicious
For us it was time to be chillin’
So our Clinics we closed
And we said ‘Adios!’
After stealing a cool 119 million

And so we three retired together;
Off to Cuba went the Benitezs
We made our big score
Who could ever want more?
Hey Fidel, please pass the Cohibas!





Like I said, I’m no Walt Whitman, but I gave it my best shot. I wonder if Carlos, Luis and Jose might pay me an honorarium for my little poem – they can certainly afford it. Or maybe they can just bill Medicare for it…


***** Found this Interesting, Entertaining or Informative? Please read the complete blog at: *****
http://healthcarehullabalo.blogspot.com/

Who are you? Do you agree with me, disagree with me, or have another perspective to share?

PLEASE put your 2 cents in by leaving a comment or email me at HealthcareBlog@SystematixOnline.com



Thanks for reading!

Free Blog Counter

Submit Blog - Promote Blog


blogs jar candles allie marie

Top Stories