Healthcare Hullabaloo: Bizarro #1

Back when I was a kid, I used to read a comic book or two. My Aunt would sometimes give me a quarter to go to the corner sweet shop where I could get the latest offering from DC or Marvel.

I never was one of those comic book Geeks – I never collected them nor was I ever obsessed by them. I don’t think that I’ve even read one since I was ten. However, I did enjoy a good story in my imaginative youth.

I recall that DC Comics had a recurring themed comic that featured an alter-ego to our humble planet called Htrae (Earth spelled backwards). AKA “Bizarro World”, on Htrae everything was backwards. Up was down, ugliness was beauty, bad was good, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Recently, it occurred to me that our whole health care universe is a bit of a Bizarro World right here one Earth. To put it simply, for whatever reason, we tend to think and do things differently (and backwards) in the world of health care then we do in the rest of our lives. Yet, it has become so ingrained in our culture that we never even stop to recognize it – the abnormal appears normal to us.

My pal Cire’s remarks about how ou couldn’t return a prescription got me thinking of other ways in which we accept ‘Bizarro’ behavior so long as it’s under the umbrella of ‘health care’. Some of them are minor and inconsequential. Some of them have good reasoning behind them. Some of them are ludicrous and have a serious impact on our wallets.

All of them, in the harsh light of logic and reason, are bizarre.

I’ve touched upon some of these concepts before, but never under the same “Bizarro” umbrella. However, keeping “Bizarro” in mind, let’s revisit some of these topics in a new set of Blogs that I will Entitle “Bizarro’s. Here’s the first:

Pajama People

Some people's hot
Some people's cold
Some people's not very
Swift to behold
Some people do it
Some see right through it
Some wear pajamas
If only they knew it

-Pajama People – Frank Zappa “One Size Fits All”

Appearances matter. Right or wrong, we tend to, as a people, judge others by their appearance. It’s just a fact of life.

The importance of one’s appearance is why policemen and postmen wear uniforms – it conveys a certain amount of respect and authority. However, dress codes aren’t just for civil servants.

Even though they don’t wear a uniform, per se, Professionals also have a dress code. When we pay good money to see a highly trained professional, such as a lawyer or an accountant, we expect them to be dressed professionally, usually in a nice suit. If you met with an high-priced attorney and he was wearing board shorts, flip flops, and a Hawaiian shirt, not many of us would have much confidence in him. Ditto for an architect who wore a worn and stained sweat suit to a client meeting.

So, how come when we see a physician, and they are wearing what amounts to pajamas, we don’t give it a second thought?

What’s that Doc? Those are O.R. Scrubs?

O.R. they? (Props to 'Rushmore')

Well, we ain’t in the O.R. – we’re in your office, so dress like the highly paid professional that you are.

And, while we are on the subject, what’s with those matching blouses that your staff is wearing? Do you really think that when your staff dresses in matching tops with pictures of blue elephants and pink monkeys on them, it conveys a sense of medical professionalism? It looks like a Wal Mart exploded in here!

And while were on the subject, that cheesy white lab coat that some Docs wear isn’t much better. We’re not in a lab now, are we Dr. Fronk-en-steen?

Plus, when you have your name embroidered on the lab coat, it makes you look really seedy. Where did you get that personalized lab coat any way? A T Shirt shop on the Seaside Boardwalk? You know, Doc, usually you have to find work as a gas station attendant or as an appliance repairman in order to get a spiffy shirt with your name on it.

Another emerging, disturbing trend is surgeons wearing those colorful bandannas as headgear - in and out of the O.R. Hey Doc, look in the mirror - you look like some hacky-sack playing, LSD addled hippie, and not a F.A.C.S..

By the way, this image doesn't inspire my confidence in your skills as a surgeon, especially as you stand over me, scalpel in hand. Even though I'm terrified by this scene, I can't react at the moment because the Propofol has just kicked in. Meanwhile, the image of the knife wielding stoner is being ingrained deep in my subconscious. When I have unexplained nightmares for the next month, everybody will just blame them on a bad reaction to the anesthesia.

Reality check: this little procedure is costing me 10 grand - you can afford a real cap. Besides, at 10 grand for 2 hours work, you should be wearing that bandanna over your face, a la Jessie James.

My painter wears a real cap and he even changes it between jobs. He gets them for free at the Sherwin-Williams store. Why not stop by one on your way to the Surgi-Center?

Which leads me to that ubiquitous piece of medical bling – the stethoscope casually worn around the shoulder, proclaiming to the world ‘I’m a Doctor’ (or, in some cases, a Doctor wanabee).

I know that it’s a tool of your trade. Still, I never saw my accountant wearing an adding machine around his neck.

Besides, Doc, you’re a proctologist – what are you going to do with a stethoscope, anyway? On second thought, I don’t want to know – it sounds extremely uncomfortable.

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